Finality.

I am skip­ping class at the moment, though I am still in the build­ing. I came down­stairs to the “fish­bowl” (com­puter lab) to kill time while the class does busy work.

On the 22nd of this month (next Thurs­day) I am play­ing what will be, for the time being, my last gig with the Jay Rakes Band. I say “for the time being” because I have agreed to do fill-ins in the future but my sta­tus as a full mem­ber of the band has reached it’s terminus.

Basi­cally, I have had to make a choice to focus on school, work, and my new cho­sen career in the IT field. I have mixed feel­ings about this deci­sion, but for the most part I am opti­mistic that I am doing the right thing. JRB requires too much of my time, and too much of my con­cen­tra­tion at the moment for me to feel like I would be doing Jay and Tripp any jus­tice to con­tinue play­ing with them. Jug­gling school, a job, bass stu­dents, and prepa­ra­tion for tech­ni­cal cer­ti­fi­ca­tions (which is like going to a sec­ond school) while rehears­ing and play­ing with a band for six hours a week is too much for me to juggle.

I am dis­heart­ened by the fact that I am quit­ting a musi­cal sit­u­a­tion so that I can do non-music drudgery. I do feel a bit like I am sell­ing my soul, but I am try­ing to remind myself that I have taken time away from the bass before and returned more enthu­si­as­tic and pas­sion­ate as ever– and this will not be a total break from the instru­ment. I am look­ing for­ward to putting in a ded­i­cated effort on beef­ing up my prac­tice rou­tine and shed­ding hard on some new things. I want to get more seri­ous about post­ing some more online lessons and I want take a breather and remem­ber how excited I used to be about music before Berklee. Some­times those things are eas­ier to do when you aren’t wor­ried about step­ping up to a band situation.

I wish Jay and Tripp the best. I have gained so much as a player and as a per­son from play­ing with them. The chal­lenges I have had to over­come– just to hang with these guys– have been extra­or­di­nary. I am glad that I was able to take part in play­ing with them for the last 2 1/2 years, and I will leave them now as a trans­formed musi­cian. They are world class musi­cians and deserve the very best.

13 Comments

  • also, i love you.

  • Sounds like a tough deci­sion, but over-extending your­self is no good either. My hus­band is in IT, good choice, you’ll have plenty to spend on your bass / music / elec­tron­ics habit.

  • Drew Steiner wrote:

    I don’t know. That whole “sell­ing my soul” thing sure makes pay­ing a mort­gage eas­ier. I can only speak from per­sonal expe­ri­ence, but my mind is most at ease when I worry more about what needs to be done or what makes me happy and less about aban­don­ing my sup­posed call­ing. I’m much hap­pier now just play­ing along to Iron and Wine CDs than I ever was at Berklee learn­ing drop-2’s and crap like that. But, hey, that’s just me.

  • You know, I actu­ally debated going to Berklee. From what you, Drew, and Justin say about it seems to make my deci­sion to not go a lit­tle eas­ier to han­dle. Still, I would have loved to have played bass for school.…

    Good luck with every­thing, Justin. You still have plenty of gig­ging days ahead of you.

  • Don’t mis­un­der­stand me. I loved Berklee. But there were times that I felt com­pletely over­whelmed by it. My biggest prob­lem that results from my Berklee edu­ca­tion is that I paid for it all with stu­dent loans and as such I have been forced to turn down some oppor­tu­ni­ties in order to pay the bills. My efforts at ECPI are not the end-all be-all of my exis­tence, it’s a job that will some­day allow me to relo­cate away from Nor­folk, VA. My home­town that I have never felt at home in. While Mr. Steiner might be happy jam­ming with CDs at home, that is not how I want to go out.

  • Ah, well the finan­cial sit­u­a­tion can ruin things; I can see that, and turn­ing down oppor­tu­ni­ties due to it doesn’t sound fun at all. Sorry I mis­un­der­stood you Justin, but I’m glad you cleared it up for me. I don’t want to be run­ning aroud this world with the wrong ideas about you fli­ing my head, after all!

  • Some­times the wrong ideas are the most com­fort­ing, Alex.

    I don’t know what that means.

  • It’s best to have the wrong ideas about him…trust me.

  • I can tell you all from 27 years of expe­ri­ence that Justin makes no deci­sion on a whim. This was a dif­fi­cult one for him to make. but I have no doubts that great things are going to be hap­pen­ing to my son.

    He has dis­played hard work, per­se­ver­ance and dis­ci­pline — some­thing I haven’t seen in quite some time. It is my per­sonal opin­ion that hav­ing music in your heart, as Justin does (and you. Alex!) you can do any­thing you want. You’ll never lose it — you’ll always have it and you can always return to it…whenever you want to…no mat­ter what you are doing or where in the world you are.

    You are all young — fol­low those dreams and make them turn into plans. That’s what life is all about!

  • I think it’s true that you never lose it. Music will always be a part of my life. I think I’ve just accepted the fact that it won’t be as big a part as I thought it would when I was 17, wor­ship­ping Dream The­ater, and pick­ing out a school to go to. I was always a lit­tle jeal­ous of peo­ple like Justin, where that was just “it” for them; it was obvi­ous they belonged there. Any kind of edu­ca­tion should teach you about your­self as well as what you study, and I learned that being around music that much takes all the enjoy­ment out of it for me. I wish there was a cheaper way for me to find that out, but I’ll never regret going to Berklee. I met some of the best peo­ple I’ll prob­a­bly ever meet, includ­ing my wife. I haven’t given up on any­thing or sold all my gear like I told Justin I would; I just know myself a lit­tle bet­ter than I used to, thank God. But, once again, hey that’s just me.

    Fur­ther­more, I apol­o­gize if I’ve steered this whole dis­cus­sion into a dif­fer­ent direc­tion than it was intended. Sorry…

  • The dream of being a pro­fes­sional music (i.e. sup­port­ing your­self doing music alone) is much much dif­fer­ent than the real­ity. I know peo­ple who are con­tent tak­ing what­ever gigs they can find just to make the money.. I don’t ever feel any dif­fer­ent auc­tion­ing off my dig­nity to a cover band than I would sell­ing my soul to a major cor­po­ra­tion. I hate Star­bucks with all of my coffee-drinking heart, but at least with Star­bucks you have a shot at a 401k and a ben­e­fits plan and when you come home you don’t smell like smoke and you have music wait­ing for you.. it’s not a job that taints the very thing you love the most.

    So there is no con­fu­sion, this is an unre­lated topic, the Jay Rakes Band was not– in any shape or form– a cover band or gig where I felt like I was sell­ing my soul.

    Also, I am not work­ing at Starbucks.

  • Drew Steiner wrote:

    Real quick; speak­ing of dig­nity: I was really excited to take lessons from Don Lap­pin. At the time, I liked his music and he was a cool dude. In my first les­son, he told me he just got a gig with this wed­ding band that played the Cape and Martha’s Vine­yard, places like that. He was pretty excited about it. Near the end of the semes­ter, he tells me “Ok, today we’re going to learn to play ‘Brown-Eyed Girl,’ because that’s what you’ll be play­ing out in the real world. That’s all I play any more.” It was really sad.

    Justin, you’ve got the drive, ambi­tion, and, above all, the tal­ent to avoid all of that. So, by any means nec­es­sary, do it! Okay, I’m done…

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