lowquality.net

As some of you know already, Kim’s sister, Rumellee, is pregnant with her first child. I would have made a post about this earlier, but there’s a lot of smoke and mirrors that goes with being Filipino. I had to keep my mouth shut because I wasn’t officially supposed to know. Rum knew that I knew, but no one else could know that I knew until they knew.

Does that make sense?

I think it’s funny how when I go to any of the many social functions and Filipinos outside of Kim’s family don’t even bother to introduce themselves or say hello to me. They talk to Kim like she their best friend, they ignore the hell out of me. It’s rude, but I don’t take it personally. I imagine it has something to do with viewing me as an outsider. As a non-Filipino I am seldom included in the shame game they play against each other. Since I, supposedly, cannot gossip to so-and-so about how whatshername totally ignored me at such-and-such, then I am not a real threat and, in the name of efficiency, I can be passed over in favor of someone more socially “dangerous.” They also probably think Kim’s mom is a big deal and there’s always some social elbow-rubbing involved when they seem Kim. When we’re at some larger function and Kim is off talking to someone and I am leaned up against the wall, alone, eating menuedo and rice on a styrofoam plate, this is the scenario I run through my head over and over again. Maybe it’s not true, maybe they just hate me because I’m white– which, as much as it lacks in imagination, is totally plausible. The funny thing is that Kim tells me everything about these people and they know nothing about me. If they had any sense and realized how much effort I have put into learning about their parents’ language and their culture, they’d say hi. Not to toot my own horn, but I think I have made more diligent of an effort to learn Tagalog than many of these 1st generation Americans who have had their whole lives to learn it.

I’ve concluded that it is a lot of work being Filipino– even if only an honorary one. Apart from the flurry of social obligations you are forced into attending, you also find that they are the gossiping-est people you will ever meet. If you tell someone something you have to make sure you tell other people whom you think may become upset because they heard the gossip from somewhere else and not you. Seriously, this is a real concern. For some reason, in spite of this natural village-borne tendency to gossip, they try to keep secrets from each other all of the time. Seldom does it work.

But I digress.

Rum was trying to wait until Thanksgiving to tell the extended family about the pregnancy, but there was no way that was going to happen. Why someone would keep a perfectly shameless and beautiful pregnancy a secret is beyond me, but that’s her business– and there was no way I was going to be the guy who spilled the beans. Personally, I would want everyone to know.

I know it’s ridiculous, but even though Kim and I are not married, I feel like I am going to be an Uncle. It’s pretty exciting! I am so excited to meet this kid and to be a part of its life. I’m stoked.

Anyway, since Rum and Erwin refuse to find out the sex of the baby until it’s born, the whole kabuti is making up ridiculous asexual names for it. A consistently funny favorite of mine came from Kim and Rum’s younger cousin, CJ, who calls the baby “Lil’ Fetus”. I hope that sticks for a little while. I’m waiting for the moment where someone greets Rum’s lower abdomen: “Hi Ate Rum! Sup, Lil’ Fetus.”

Incidently, I am positive that Lil’ Fetus Capistrano is a boy.

Kim says it’s a girl.

She’s wrong.

Rum and Erwin don’t want to know the sex until it’s born. So it’s time to start the betting. If I can’t profit off of the birth of a family member, I don’t know if being an Honorary Filipino is all its cracked up to be. I also need a good auto body guy to fix a dent in my car, if being Filipino can’t get me free auto body repair, maybe I should just tell everyone I’m honorary Thai or honorary “multi-ethnic” or some other honorary bullshit that those super-tuner models use to seem more exotic.