lowquality.net

I know, I know. The best thing to do when you dislike someone is to ignore them. Under no circumstances should you blog about it because its like free press.

But chances are that Soulja Boy fans aren’t heavy into reading so I don’t care if they wind up here and see me trashing this retard.

“I Got Me Some Bathin’ Apes” or “Bapes” (the song’s actual title) is hardly music. It isn’t even fun. It’s the inbred, toothless, hillbilly cousin of “My Adidas” and I hate myself a little for even making the comparison.

But I will… here’s the first verse of Retard Boy’s “Bapes.”

I got my Bathin’ Apes
I’m fresh to death and you like me
Don’t try to cop my style man stick to dem nikes
Green, white, black inside these
Super clean Bathin’ Apes
My shoes like my chain
Shine hard dey might hurt ya face
I’m clean in this thang
B-A-P-E-S up on my feet
Fresh fade with da waves
30/30 boys up on my team
You wanna get em’ (YUP)
But you can’t get like me (NOPE)
Askin’ me, Soulja Boy, where you get yo shoes from

That’s right. You can’t get like him. Because he bought him some Bathing Ape shoes. We’re not talking about talent, guile, an exceptional upbringing, overcoming adversity, getting a college education or even an extreme hairstyle. We’re talking about shoes. Stupid, mother, fucking, shoes that any idiot can buy at the mall (edit: Bathing Ape products are only available in their stores). You can’t get like Soulja Boy because his mommy bought him some shiny shoes.

To really drive home how stupid this guy is, I have to include the brilliant chorus (which repeats four times):

I got me some Bathin’ Apes
I got, I got me some Bathin’ Apes
I got, I got me some Bathin’ Apes
I got, I got me some Bathin’ Apes
I,I,I,I,I,I

And now I can hear the words bouncing off of your monitors, “What does this fat white guy from Virginia know about rap music?”

Well, obviously, I know more than Soulja Boy’s fans do.

For the sake of argument, here’s the first verse of the Run-DMC classic, and don’t go thinking I always side with old music over new music. I’m just drawing a comparison because both songs are about footwear.

My Adidas
walk through concert doors
and roam all over coliseum floors
I stepped on stage, at Live Aid
All the people gave an applause that paid
And out of speakers I did speak
I wore my sneakers but I’m not a sneak
My Adidas cuts the sand of a foreign land
with mic in hand I cold took command
my Adidas and me both askin P
we make a good team my Adidas and me
we get around together, rhyme forever
and we won’t be mad when worn in bad weather

You see people, this song is not about shoes. “My Adidas” is a metaphor about the breakthrough of hip-hop culture into the mainstream, something Run-DMC was an integral part of. MTV was completely against playing Rap videos and Run-DMC was the group that broke this cultural embargo. A year later they were at Live-Aid, playing the same stage as Led Zeppelin and Paul McCartney. The breakthrough in popularity gave white audiences the impression that Run-DMC invented hip-hop, even though it had been going on for almost ten years prior. (Kind of like how Nirvana “invented” grunge when the Pixies and Sonic Youth had been doing it since the 80’s.)

A lot of old school fans think hip-hop had compromised considerably to reach the level of success that Run-DMC had, but when you compare hip-hop’s compromise to the compromises of prior black music movements made to be appealing to white audiences, it was a success made with incredible steadfastness. Hip-hop, provided black culture a step into the white world without changing its shoes or straightening it’s hair– and I say this as a white kid who’s grown up liking rap music since I first heard it.

Here’s the thing, a few years before I was born, people still wore fancy shoes to the clubs, people wearing sneakers weren’t allowed in all of the clubs because of the dress codes. When hip-hop started to moved out of the park parties and into some of the disco clubs in NYC, some of the club owners would offer a discount at the door for people wearing regular shoes but they let the kids with sneakers in for full price. As I understand it, just about everyone paid full price. Adidas were a symbol of hip-hop culture– but they were NOT hip-hop culture.

Soulja Boy, or should I said, DeAndre Chad Ramone Way, you are an idiot. You have nothing to say, nothing to offer the world. Your music isn’t even fun.