lowquality.net

Note: _{This post con­tains unnec­es­sar­ily harsh and pro­fane lan­guage. This post is not intended to be read by Moms or poten­tial employ­ers who get curi­ous about my e-mail address after see­ing it on my resume.}

1. Fuck Gray’s Anatomy — First of all, I would rather bleed to death than be oper­ated on by these whiny adul­ter­ing yup­pie idiots. Why are you mak­ing out in the closet?? Aren’t there lives to save some­where in your fuck­ing hos­pi­tal? How can they con­stantly be in com­pe­ti­tion with one another when, not one of them is fuck­ing doing any­thing but bitch­ing about their rela­tion­ships and cheat­ing on their sig­nif­i­cant oth­ers? Peo­ple watch this show and really think it’s more real­is­tic than Gen­eral Hospital.
2. Fuck A Call Cen­ter Help Desk Job — If I ever get a job work­ing for call cen­ter sup­port for an ISP or OEM, shoot me in the back on the head with a .38, because my life is surely over and I am a zom­bie. Seri­ously, I would have to punch myself in the crotch between every tedious, mean­der­ing call if I worked for Cox Com­mu­ni­ca­tions, just so I could feel.… some­thing. I will run cable, I will wire man­age, I will blow dust out of key­boards, I will do the dirt­i­est job you can name in the IT field.. but I will take my own life before I work in a call center.
3. Fuck Hip-Hop — I have been lis­ten­ing to a lot of old rap artists lately, par­tic­u­larly KRS-One and Eric B & Rakim, and FUCK, I am so mad at how much hip-hop just really really sucks right now. How did we get from
   bril­liance like “The stage is a cage, the mic is a third rail.” to “I’m hot cuz I’m fly, you ain’t cuz you not.” NO REALLY, HOW!?!? I don’t want to believe that hip hop fans are dumb enough to fall for the obvi­ous SCAM that main­stream hip-hop has become but it’s so god­damn OBVIOUS that I have no choice but to believe it, and there­for tran­si­tively con­clude that I must be a com­plete bigot. Let’s get some­thing straight: African-Americans are respon­si­ble for all of the great­est music in the his­tory of Amer­ica. Period. Now record labels are mak­ing me feel like a racist ass­hole because they release dogshit like “This is Why I’m Hot” and I think Black Amer­ica is stu­pid for buy­ing it. I guess it’s nice to see more intel­li­gent artists out there who are build­ing a mar­ket from hip-hop’s ashes. I just wish I could con­vince more peo­ple to real­ize that The Roots are to Hip-Hop what Dave Matthews is to Rock music. Oh yeah, by the way…
4. Fuck Rock Music — White folks aren’t any more taste­ful when it comes to their music pur­chases. We keep suck­ing off the egos of Star­bucks phonies like John Mayer and Joss Stone, neutered super-groups made up of mem­bers of ground­break­ing bands, or cookie-cutter rock clones (Recap: In the 90’s we started with Pearl Jam then came Stone Tem­ple Pilots, a year later or two later there was Col­lec­tive Soul, fol­lowed by Creed, and then Nick­el­back and soon we’ll have the musi­cal equiv­a­lent of that retarded Michael Keaton in Mul­ti­plic­ity UPDATE 7/12/07: It’s Fin­ger 11). Here’s some Home­work: Try fig­ure out how we got from At The Drive-In to Fall Out Boy. **EXTRA CREDIT** Explain to me what the hell hap­pened to the Red Hot Chili Pep­pers. The good news here is that, even moreso than hip-hop, there are some highly acces­si­ble alter­na­tives to the out­ra­geously out of touch rock music on the radio but the bot­tom line is that you have to work twice as hard to find good music these days, so hard that by the time you’ve fin­ished spread­ing the word about the awe­some indie bands you’ve read about in Vice Mag­a­zine, you feel too hip to be counted among the fans and you’ve moved onto some­thing else just in time for the band to break up.
5. Fuck Vir­ginia Dri­vers — I have lived here my whole life and I can­not under­stand what the hell is wrong with you peo­ple. It is not your respon­si­bil­ity to let the merg­ing traf­fic into the right hand lane, it is their respon­si­bil­ity to merge. You main­tain your speed, and they, God will­ing, use the accel­er­a­tion lane to merge with traf­fic. This does not mean the accel­er­a­tion lane traf­fic comes to a dead stop and waits for some­one trav­el­ing in the right hand lane to let them in, which, I repeat, is not their respon­si­bil­ity. Also, traf­fic in the tun­nels would be a moot issue, if you would just. fuck­ing. drive.
6. Fuck Peo­ple Who Com­plain About Vir­ginia Dri­vers — Blame the Navy, man, don’t blame me. 3/4 of these shitty dri­vers are from some­where else any­way. Unknown Fact: The US Navy recruits all of the worst dri­vers of the United States and drops them here. Then they put them out to see for six months so they for­get how to drive com­pletely then bring them back. Totally weird exper­i­ment the Pen­ta­gon is doing, I think. Not only are they bad dri­vers, but they like to buy fast mus­cle cars and then let their 17 year old girl­friends drive them around while they are out to sea. Yeah I’m not even mak­ing that last one up. Granby High School was spon­sored by USS Peu­got Sound, which was nice of them because I think half of the girls in my grad­u­at­ing class were bang­ing sailors… in their fresh­man year