Note: This post contains unnecessarily harsh and profane language. This post is not intended to be read by Moms or potential employers who get curious about my e-mail address after seeing it on my resume.
- Fuck Gray’s Anatomy - First of all, I would rather bleed to death than be operated on by these whiny adultering yuppie idiots. Why are you making out in the closet?? Aren’t there lives to save somewhere in your fucking hospital? How can they constantly be in competition with one another when, not one of them is fucking doing anything but bitching about their relationships and cheating on their significant others? People watch this show and really think it’s more realistic than General Hospital.
- Fuck A Call Center Help Desk Job - If I ever get a job working for call center support for an ISP or OEM, shoot me in the back on the head with a .38, because my life is surely over and I am a zombie. Seriously, I would have to punch myself in the crotch between every tedious, meandering call if I worked for Cox Communications, just so I could feel…. something. I will run cable, I will wire manage, I will blow dust out of keyboards, I will do the dirtiest job you can name in the IT field.. but I will take my own life before I work in a call center.
- Fuck Hip-Hop - I have been listening to a lot of old rap artists lately, particularly KRS-One and Eric B & Rakim, and FUCK, I am so mad at how much hip-hop just really really sucks right now. How did we get from
“The stage is a cage, the mic is a third rail.”
to
“I’m hot cuz I’m fly, you ain’t cuz you not.”
????? HOW!?!? I don’t want to believe that black people are dumb enough to fall for the obvious SCAM that mainstream hip-hop has become but it’s so goddamn OBVIOUS that I have no choice but to believe it, and therefor transitively conclude that I must be a complete bigot. Let’s get something straight: African-Americans are responsible for all of the greatest music in the history of America. Period. Now record labels are making me feel like a racist asshole because they release dogshit like “This is Why I’m Hot” and I think Black America is stupid for buying it. I guess it’s nice to see more intelligent artists out there who are building a market from hip-hop’s ashes. I just wish I could convince more people to realize that The Roots are to Hip-Hop what Dave Matthews is to Rock music. Oh yeah, by the way…
- Fuck Rock Music - White folks aren’t any more tasteful when it comes to their music purchases. We keep sucking off the egos of Starbucks phonies like John Mayer and Joss Stone, neutered super-groups made up of members of groundbreaking bands, or cookie-cutter rock clones (Recap: In the 90’s we started with Pearl Jam then came Stone Temple Pilots, a year later or two later there was Collective Soul, followed by Creed, and then Nickelback and soon we’ll have the musical equivalent of that retarded Michael Keaton in Multiplicity UPDATE 7/12/07: It’s Finger 11). Here’s some Homework: Try figure out how we got from At The Drive-In to Fall Out Boy. **EXTRA CREDIT** Explain to me what the hell happened to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The good news here is that, even moreso than hip-hop, there are some highly accessible alternatives to the outrageously out of touch rock music on the radio but the bottom line is that you have to work twice as hard to find good music these days, so hard that by the time you’ve finished spreading the word about the awesome indie bands you’ve read about in Vice Magazine, you feel too hip to be counted among the fans and you’ve moved onto something else just in time for the band to break up.
- Fuck Virginia Drivers - I have lived here my whole life and I cannot understand what the hell is wrong with you people. It is not your responsibility to let the merging traffic into the right hand lane, it is their responsibility to merge. You maintain your speed, and they, God willing, use the acceleration lane to merge with traffic. This does not mean the acceleration lane traffic comes to a dead stop and waits for someone traveling in the right hand lane to let them in, which, I repeat, is not their responsibility. Also, traffic in the tunnels would be a moot issue, if you would just. fucking. drive.
- Fuck People Who Complain About Virginia Drivers - Blame the Navy, man, don’t blame me. 3/4 of these shitty drivers are from somewhere else anyway. Unknown Fact: The US Navy recruits all of the worst drivers of the United States and drops them here. Then they put them out to see for six months so they forget how to drive completely then bring them back. Totally weird experiment the Pentagon is doing, I think. Not only are they bad drivers, but they like to buy fast muscle cars and then let their 17 year old girlfriends drive them around while they are out to sea. Yeah I’m not even making that last one up. Granby High School was sponsored by USS Peugot Sound, which was nice of them because I think half of the girls in my graduating class were banging sailors… in their freshman year
Yo, I heard it’s said the revolution won’t be televised
But in the land of milk and honey there’s a date you gotta sell it by
Otherwise it just expires and spoils
And these folks jump out the pot when the water too hot
Cause the fire boils inside
You go to church to find you some religion
And all you hear is connivin’ and gossip and contradiction and
You try to vote and participate in the government
And the muh’fuckin’ Democrats is actin’ like Republicans
You join an organization that know black history
But ask them how they plan to make money and it’s a mystery
Lookin’ for the remedy but you can’t see what’s hurtin’ you
The revolution’s here, the revolution is personal
-Talib Kweli
Unfortunately, people aren’t buying Talib Kweli either. I have a Talib Kweli and Hi-Tek t-shirt from 6 years ago…when I wear it people still ask me who he is. You can quote it until you’re blue in the face and I can wear the shirt until the words fade off, but people still won’t care. They will still buy shitty music like “this is why I’m hot” and “walk it out” because they don’t want to think about what they are listening to.
I’m gonna have to agree with you for the most part on the hip-hop portion of your post. Now, agree to disagree on your labeling of The Roots.
Given that The Roots VERY rarely make it to my ears that often because I find the production of their albums very lackluster and shoddy. Nowadays it’s hard to get a good edge on a group unless you see them live. Recording industries and studios are producing “fronts” of musicians who HAVE no talent and pawning them off as if they do - only to be let down when you go to see them live.
I say this because I saw The Roots a few weeks back and I was blown away. The performance was incredible, the quality of the music was amazing and the energy was too much for the venue - honestly. It was by far one of the best shows I’ve seen in a while.
Now, if we could only get the corporate execs out of the equation and start hearing music as it needs to be heard non-commercialized level and free of the weighted down over-production that comes with it, we could start analyzing artists more clearly.
But that just may be wishful thinking.
Seeing the Roots live is exactly what formulated my opinion. I was bored. This was back in 99-00.
But the point I tried to make in the post is that I don’t think Rock music is any better off than hip-hop if you go solely by what is on the radio.. I don’t know what the current fuss is about Modest Mouse, people really think that’s the hot new shit– maybe it’s just me, Luke– but Johnny Marr can’t even make that band sound good. From what I have heard of their early albums, their best work is far behind them.
The reason there is probably more of a focus on the “hip-hop is dead” observation is likely due to the fact that there is a place for indie rock bands in mainstream American media and the only mass media attention given to quality underground hip-hop is when MF Doom gets the occasional bump on the Cartoon Network. That, and also the fact that rock and roll died back in 1978, somewhere in Illinois.
who said anything about Modest Mouse?
Speaking of fuck hip hop…Li’l Wayne is on the cover of XXL Magazine wearing a t-shirt that reads “I AM HIP HOP”. Yes, that’s right, Li’l Wayne.
anyone with the handle “Li’l” should reevaluate their life.
Even Bow Wow dropped the Li’l from his name. Anyway, I heard Li’l Wayne was “flamboyant” if you know what I mean. I can’t even imagine what a Cash Money Millionaires gay porn scene would look like…dreds, iced out grills, and man sex. Scary.
What about Lil Brudder?
Oh.. what does “I’m Throwed” mean?