I have been feeling like my life has been without meaning. I have been seeing a therapist. I have been growing a beard on the internet. I have been struggling to make music a priority in my life.
Making music a priority is hard when your life has been completely transformed by burden. I went to college for music and now I owe a lot of money. A LOT of money. I stopped teaching music and refocused my energies into a completely different field. I make more money now, but I’m not happy. Even worse, I’m not really paying my student loans anyway.
A long time ago I saw this image in a book called “How The Fender Bass Changed The World” by Jim Roberts and I might have even commented then about how it would make a cool tattoo. I loved the idea of James Jamerson being viewed as a Saint. If you were to think of the electric bass as kind of a cult or American Music as kind of a religion, Jamerson would be a revered figure either way.
After I saw Scrivener’s typewriter phoenix and I learned the story behind it, I knew that I needed a similar permanent reminder in my life. A right of passage, a reminder of who I am– because the older I get the more confused I get about myself. The idea of this saintly Jamerson illustration kept floating back into focus. Not just because I am a huge fan of Motown and because I am a bass player, but because I wanted throw a part of myself into music the way some do with religion, which is something I think I did unknowingly as a teenager, before I went to college for music got myself all screwed up and constantly second guessing myself. I wanted to ask music to give me another shot at happiness. I wanted to remind myself that I used to believe that music would save my life. I needed to feel like maybe it still can. I don’t know if a tattoo, in itself, can do that, but I felt like I needed a permanent reminder of the life-long commitment I once made and how that commitment is just as indelible as this tattoo.
January 28th, 2008 was, in many ways the worst day I have had in a long time. My student loan situation is beyond manageability. I scheduled this tattoo weeks ago, and part of me just wanted to cancel the appointment and go home and sleep. It is now January 29th, 2008 and Jamerson would have been 70 today if he were still alive. I am turning 29 on the same day. James would have already made history at my age, but he would also have 16 years left of his life. Jamerson could not change with the times, he could not adapt when Motown left Detroit and he was plagued by personal demons that eventually killed him in the form of alcoholism. I sometimes think I might be fighting off my own demons. Not drugs and alcohol, but far more subtle and devious demons. I guess its kind of crazy, but I kind of feel like a reminder of Jamerson’s life could help me to stay on the right path.
So after having the shittiest day ever, I walked into Fuzion Ink and the Temptations were playing. No fucking joke…
I am going back in March to get the coloring finished.
Sir, I like your tattoo very much. It fits you well.
Thanks, Chris. How’s school?
I’m still thinking that something is hinky with that whole student loan situation. There should be a way to graduate those payments. Seems like I’m always hearing about people who pay back a small amount per month for their entire lives. I mean, I’m no financial expert or anything, but this just seems wrong. If there’s any way for you to consult a consumer finance expert or something, you really should.
It’s on my list of things to do.
You should listen to that bit of synchronicity that was granted you upon entering the tattoo shop. Some might write it off as an entertaining coincidence; but of course some think that what they see on the news is for real. These people are to be ignored. I’m happy about the tattoo; it has meaning to you. It’s not world-changing, but it demonstrates a mental commitment that most are unwilling to make. Unless you are devoured whole by a shoggoth, the ink will be with you in your grave, and everyday before. I’ve been thinking about updating my own canvas, and I will when I get some extra cash. It’s a good way to remind yourself of things, and it’s exciting to boot. Make sure you keep some A&D on it! Keep an open mind and your wits about you, and try to notice some other synchronicities. I bet they’ll happen. They always seem to when you’re moving in the right direction.
School’s been okay. Incidentally I got my first tattoo around the first time you did.