So, Arrested Development wasn’t the only thing I slept through back in 2004. How come none of my friends told me about this guy? It’s a shame he did himself in and surprising that he didn’t kill anyone. How come there’s no such thing as a “moderate whacko” ? Why can’t someone build a Killdozing machine, destroy a bunch of property, kill no one, and then turn himself in?
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This guy didn’t do a very respectable job, actually. He probably got all dressed up like some fat Japanese anime/Final Fantasy character before he entered the ‘Dozer; head full of visions of himself Killdozing his way across the country. His whole visual perception of the incident as it was occuring was most likely akin to a comic book. He probably actually saw the outside world as a series of boxes with bright colors and borders. Perhaps he had a boombox in there with him, playing a home-spun and hastily recorded version of his own theme song. He may have also had an imaginary arch-nemesis that he was after, such as De-Constructo, or Professor Von Concrete.
With all that preparation, he sure didn’t do a very good job.
What I guess I meant to say is, why aren’t people wired so that when faced with trauma or extreme adversity they go over the edge and do something crazy in an awesome way. This fella had the perfect opportunity to become a Super Villain and he wasted it by killing himself.
This is why we’ll never have a Batman, because any rich kid who witnesses the brutal murder of his parents at such a young age will whine himself to sleep on painkillers every night until he’s 40 years old or develop a taste for his own poop and get admitted into a psycho ward.