5 Things That Are Stressing Me The F**K Out
- Unemployment is imminent, so I am looking for a new job
- Getting married next month and I have a lot of stuff left to do
- I have jury duty next month too.
- I almost, finally, have all of the money I need for a new bass head but its going to have to wait because of item #1
- Opting for a small wedding means excluding people and being put in awkward situations where you asked when their invitation will arrive. Even jokingly, this is the most awkward position I have ever been.
1) You are a talented guy. Something will come along. Just remember to leave all possible doors open.
2) Welcome to married life. Your list will always be longer than you have time for.
3) Just say you support public execution for all crimes.
5) Yeah, I was kind of waiting patiently by the mailbox. Oh well. I’ll settle for pictures after the fact. hahahahahaah!
1) I keep telling myself that. In the past I get bailed out the last minute, but only if I freak the fuck out first. The good news is that I won’t work here anymore soon.
2) You’re the dummy who went ahead and did it again
3) I thought I’d just proclaim my deep hatred for all non-whhhhites. (just kidding, prospective employers who value diversity in the workplace)
5) Its been especially tough dropping the axe on non-married significant others of family members. I mean truthfully there ARE people not coming who I’d rather have there than some people who are. The rule was “family only” but the concept of family is very gray when it comes to Kim’s family. There are family members who are blood who will not be attending (mostly because there’s so many of them out of state and out of country we can’t afford to them all and can’t just invite some but not others) but there are also “family,” who are closer to Kim but not blood, who actually make up the majority of the attendees and I can think of at least one who IS a non-married significant other of another attendee (Walter), so the rules are loose. I think it makes sense to us and to most of the people in our circle, but it looks really elitist from the outside. I’m also inviting three of my closest friends from college (only two can make it) but considering my only other family attending is my parents and Bill’s parents its not a big portion of the total crowd.
when’s my invitation gonna get here?
Seriously. It hurts me. Stop it!
2. Let’s pray I don’t have to face a third time. I swear I’ll quit it at that point. hahaha.
Whatever the case, congratulations my friend. Transitions can be awesome times. Take it for what it is worth and try to enjoy it!
You’re only not inviting ME because you subconsciously sense that I have the power to talk you out of giving away your balls, capitulating to your infantile fears and insecurities; fooling yourself into thinking marriage ceremonies are an act of love and devotion rather than a tax break and excuse to let yourself go. Or, perhaps you’re afraid I’d get drunk and heckle the officiator (religious or not) till we ended up in a fist fight, blood from the altercation splattering Kim’s inexplicably white dress.
Probably true (on both counts) but you are SO passing up the likely gift of a wicked cool espresso machine. ‘;)
I didn’t invite you because at the time I hadn’t talked to you in almost a year. Also, your tendency to say things like the above statement to people who are not me frightens me to the point of excluding you from any social gathering I might be a part of.
As for balls, name a time besides college when you have not lived with your parents or in a house owned by your parents, or in the Navy that your parents pressured you to join. You are a giant five year old.
You know…from a guy who sends me links to the kind of material you do to take what tastes vaguely like offense to such an obviously absurd scenario strikes me as a bit schizo. It seems odd you’d cite it as a reason to exclude me from company…unless that company now consists solely of garden tea parties and polite rotary club book meets.
Your perverse misrepresentation of my post-graduate life aside [did that make you feel better? — I paid my parents’ mortgage, did you?], I don’t aspire or purport to be your role model. That was a soft pitch, chief; I’m surprised I struck a nerve. Best guard that glass jaw: life has meaner things than my tame snark for you to get bent out of shape over.
Nerve schmerve, you paid your parents mortgage playing a video game for money which is as morally ambiguous as counterfeiting.
I mean, really, was supposed to LET you attack me? The fact that I defend myself means you struck a nerve? Hardly. You gave me shit, so I gave you shit back.
Also, exchanging links between to irreverent web comics is not on the same level as you potentially embarrassing me in front of my in-laws. It’s funny to me that you think it is. For the record, though, that is not the reason you were not invited. I doubt they’d get your jokes or even hear your mumbling banter.
Congrats on the impending wedding!
Do you know for a fact that you will be laid off soon or are you just preparing for it just in case? I hope it’s the latter!
Actually, it’s as morally ambiguous as dealing narcotics, but we digress.
I wasn’t attacking you, douche nozzle. What I noted are the themes and plot points of HOW many stupid comedies about contemporary marriage? If anything I was being self-effacing in suggesting I’d be anything other than a prince. I’ve only known you since middle school, but do I REALLY care that I wasn’t invited? NO; you know what I think of marriage now, explained well enough already why…and I save on travel/espresso maker expenses. ‘:p
You, my friend, should stop pretending you have no idea how to interpret me whenever I offer up the same tough love [if you are so sensitive as to consider gentle chiding ‘tough’] you offered me a decade and more ago. You should know I love you man. I’ve got your back. You can frame it like I’m some kind of asshole, but you’re not that dumb…maybe that much in denial, though.
This is not the forum for your personal nonsense. Go be fat somewhere else.
Best of luck on the job hunt dude. You’re going to find something, I’m rootin’ for ya.
Tell Kim I said what’s up.
There is a lot to be said about tax breaks and saving 10% on our car insurance. I love saving money…but I love Justin even more than that. At any rate, not all marriages end in failure and some people do have ceremonies that are an actual act of love. I’m pretty sure most of the brides in those cases aren’t named after women in Greek tragedies. That’s when you should have seen it coming.
Justin: I’m fat everywhere… And you started ‘it’ — could have emailed me. :p
Kim: Fair shots. You might also have noted that she legally changed her name to that and was bi. ‘;)
The mere fact that you’ve both bothered spending any time whatever ‘defending’ against my off-the-cuff remark rather than eye-rolling at it says things. As long as these are things you’ve said to each other, I’m content to keep my yap shut. Of course, I wish for the best. Of course. Naming demons in advance goes a long way in laying a foundation for those better outcomes, though; wouldn’t you agree?
You aren’t inviting me to the wedding!?!?! You f@#$ing prick!!
just kidding.