lowquality.net

I’d say for the most part things have evened out for me. I don’t feel so out of it. In some ways I am way too relaxed and I just want to sleep all of the time. This is a HUGE dif­fer­ence because I used to hate going to bed early, and I would often have weird pan­icky night­mares if I took a nap after work then I’d be pissed off because I “wasted” my evening sleep­ing instead of (not) doing other things. I can never recall the sub­ject mat­ter of the night­mares, I just know that I would have them and that they were usu­ally pretty grim. It’s nice to be so relaxed, but it’d be nice to not be SO relaxed. Maybe it will swing back a lit­tle in the com­ing week. Stuff like that used to seem pretty nor­mal to me, and just the lit­tle bit of dis­tance I am able to get away from it I can see how fuck­ing out of mind I really was.

I was quit­ting cof­fee with Kim for Lent prior to get­ting on this anti-anxiety med, but now I am so sleepy in the morn­ing that I need to imbibe some kind of caf­feine to get by. I’m not drink­ing in front of her (this whole Lent thing is really more for her than me, I was just try­ing to be sup­port­ive), but I get some oppor­tu­nity for cof­fee at work. I am find­ing that the com­bi­na­tion of the caf­feine and the SSRI are amaz­ing. Not am I just in a bet­ter mood, but I am god­damn happy.

Weight is still down near low 220’s. Going to the gym tonight. Been play­ing bass a lit­tle more often than nor­mal, the desire wasn’t quite there for the first week because I felt so dopey. Have noticed a stronger desire to be lis­ten­ing to music at home, which has been almost non-existent for some time.

In case any­one was won­der­ing, I have been inten­tion­ally avoid­ing the use of the brand name of my med­ica­tion just to keep the com­ment spam down. Iron­i­cally enough if you go to the old, hyphen­ated ver­sion this domain (that I no longer own) some­one is sell­ing the spe­cific drug on that site.